Monday, August 1, 2011

Lung-dwelling Tamarins and Salad Dressing in the Shower

I would love to write something earth-shatteringly beautiful, or side-splittingly funny, or even something pithily philosophical today, but all I can think of is the ache in my chest and back. It is like I went to the gym and lifted weights targeting my chest and back for three hours yesterday. Except instead of that, I have just been trying to cough my lungs right out of my body. My muscles literally ache from coughing. It is like there is a furry little tamarin lodged at the bottoms of my lungs, and my body will do anything to try to get it out.

If there was a poll to determine relative happiness of all campers present, I would register somewhere near the bottom.

HOWEVER! I did entertain friends on Friday evening until something like 3AM, I cleaned all the things on Saturday and wrangled the boys to a friends' place for dinner that night, and I made food and cookies yesterday. AND! I wrote a contract piece from beginning to end. I think this means I win all the things.

Also, I astounded myself with a discovery.

I KNOW! You are dying to hear what it is. Just let me tell you.

You know how your grandma is always telling you to clean with vinegar, and you are all, "Um, grandma, we have cleaning products now. I am pretty sure I can spray down the shower with Lime Away and it will work slightly better than a salad dressing ingredient."

BUT GUESS WHAT. Lime Away costs almost $5, and you need to use a whole bottle and scrub the shit out of your shower to get any results at all. A bottle of white vinegar costs less than a dollar, and you just spray it on, let it set for a few minutes, and RINSE OFF THE FUCKING HARD WATER STAINS. FOR REAL. It is like a miracle. To me, this is like rubbing Dr. Hartmann's Hair Tonic on a bald man and watching his lustrous locks grow in front of your eyes. I was astounded.

Aaaaand that is your helpful hint of the day. I am sure that you are all glad you stopped by for that one. Now you, too, can have a sparkling clean shower, like the mother fucking adult you are.

You're welcome.


  1. Best post title ever. I am totally going to try the vinegar thing, thank you!

  2. Also. You are amazing, doing all the accomplish things!! You are Miss Accomplishy McComplishton.

  3. " the mother fucking adult that you are."


    Also, it reminds me of this:

  4. Kaygee... yes. Absofuckinglutely.

    And thanks, Guinny. I have been trying to Captain the Good Ship Jakarta more than the Failboat lately.

  5. Acetic acid! Is what does that. If you look at the ingredients on the fancy cleaners, odds are they use acetic acid (sometimes citric; stronger ones like hydrochloric have the disadvantage of dissolving the ceramic as well as the limescale) in small concentrations, often with a bunch of other gunk. It's really just the acid that does it though; limescale is made mostly of calcium carbonate, which is a salt that dissolves really easily in acid, but not in water. Eggshells are made of the same stuff; you can actually soak an egg in vinegar overnight, and the shell will dissolve away leaving only the membrane holding it together. Really cool experiment, though if you do it do it OUTSIDE because that shit STINKS if it breaks and gets everywhere.

  6. Hm. Does it dissolve grimy stuff too? We still have a bunch of dust and shit all over our floor from the people fixing the cracked pipe and it means our feet are tracking dirt EVERYWHERE and with general summery sweat and oiliness, the shower is nasty. And we have a ton of vinegar.

  7. Grimy stuff is a different beast: that would mean probably nonpolar oils and fats, which are resistant if not impervious to attack by weak acids. What you want there is just plain ol' soap, to act as an emulsifier, though baking soda can help soak up copious amounts of grease when needed. Alternately, get really hot sodium hydroxide solution and saponify the fats right the fuck there, but that could be pretty caustic.

  8. Blue, I love it when you break out the nerd.

    Also, this post has perfect timing, because I have to clean the bathroom today. TO THE VINEGAR!

  9. Vinegar and baking soda are the Jesuses of household cleansers. Assuming there are multiple Jesuses of course. Jesusii? Agh, I am confusing myself.

    Point: Vinegar and baking soda are miracle workers.


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