WTF #4

Rogue Beevyr Muztyrd

A Snapshot of my Photobucket, Part Three

WINING

I am wining but also whining tonight.

The wining was the 7-bottle blind tasting we held at our house. It was so much freaking fun. One person picks 12 bottles, a third party wraps 6 of them, then we go through them, one through six, and when we're done, we unveil them, starting with the acknowledged worst one.

In past tastings, we've had $8 bottles beat out $75 bottles. It's strange, everyone generally comes to a consensus on the ordering of the wines. There are usually a few that we love, a couple we like, and maybe one or two clear losers. Tonight was mind-blowing as usual, as hubby's favorite wine placed fifth, and I recognized two of my favorites by taste and was RIGHT, FUCK YEAH.

So. I highly recommend double-blind tastings.

Secondly, I just wanted to whine a little bit. Because I did.

WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE.

OK, now I am going to finish watching Kung Fu Panda with the kid and go to sleep.

Bonus! Picture I took at the grocery store as it was starting to rain and the smoke was rising from a fire out Indian Creek that a lightning bolt started. It's going to be smoky all up in this valley for a few days.

Beautiful.

Goodnight!

Modern Family and McDonalds

1. Modern Family is one of the best shows I have seen in recent history. It is hilarious, all of the people are beautiful (especially Sophia Vergara, who is worth watching any amount of any show for a mere glimpse).

I told you. I KNOW!!!! SHE IS SO GORGEOUS.

And let's be honest, we watch television to forget our own problems, to laugh at those of others, and to ogle beautiful people. What makes this one rise above, though, is its ability to renew your faith in human nature. The way that it makes your heart glow with love. It is a family that is neurotic, hot-tempered, at-odds, and under siege, that still makes it all come together in the end because they love each other. A modern-day fairytale.

2. McDonalds
WHY IS THE FOOD SO CHEAP WHEN IT IS SO FUCKING BAD FOR YOU. WHY, I ASK YOU. Also, there is a Chicken McNugget shaped like America. That was not a mistake. The mere SMELL of the Happy Meal wafting to my nose from the back seat of the car makes me want to jump ship and just wallow in fries and nuggets and paper-thin burgers until I can't wallow anymore because my chins are impeding the movement of my belly rolls.

Drunk Post #1

Not that this is going to be some sort of repeat occurrence. I am just saying, it took me three tries to even get here, and one of those tries involved typing this address into the tab bar.

There are few times that I allow myself to intoxicate anymore, and apparently September 2 is one of them.

I think it was the fact that I worked my muscles to exhaustion doing that thing I won't talk about (that is not sex you dirty people) and then I didn't have alot of food. Because it is intake and output, people. IT IS SCIENCE.

I am so killing this thing day one. I had innumerable temptations, too. And I stuck to my guns. Or my dietary restrictions. Guns sounds more badass so let's go with that.

Also!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Um... I forget. I think I was going to say something about Bon Jovi or Celine Dion, whose concerts I watched tonight on screens as big as a wall at my friend Dave's house.

YOU GIVE LOOOOOVE A BAD NAME

OOOOOOOOH WE'RE HALFWAY THERE
OOOOOOOOOOH LIVIN' ON A PRAAAAAAYER
TAKE MY HAND
WE'LL MAKE IT I SWEAAAAAAAAR
OOOOOOOOOOOOOH LIVIN' ON A PRAAAAYER

And I forget the rest.

Don't you wish you were here with me. The Eagles are next... I feel "Life's Been Good" coming on.

Shitshow Kitchen: Fondue!

I know, I know. I have been gone FOR-EV-ERR. You thought that perhaps I had deserted you, or maybe run off and joined a convent in repentance for my last post.

YOU WERE WRONG.

Here I am, back again, all the traveling and laundry and business catch-up done. Well, mostly done. OK, I am procrastinating finishing all that shit by posting here. What can I say? I have my priorities in line.

Tonight, ladies and gents, I made fondue. Fondue! YES! FONDUE!!

This is perfection. If your mouth is not watering, you should go to the doctor and get checked for that.

Fondue is awesome to make when you have friends over with whom you are comfortable sharing a pot of cheese. I guess you could try not to eat off of the long fondue forks but it is kind of impossible. People love this shit, yo.

And I am going to excuse the rest of my post by saying... um, I made fondue. And it really just gets you shithoused. IT DOES. For some reason there is just more alcohol than you anticipate, every time. It doesn't matter how you make it or how many people eat it or what. You are wasted at the end.

Which is right now.

OK!

Ingredients
16 oz (1 lb.) Gruyère cheese (or Swiss Cheese)
2 T flour
2 cloves garlic
2 C white wine plus MOAR for drinking
1 T lemon juice
1 shot Kirsch (AKA Cherry Brandy or Cherry liquor)
1 t nutmeg
1-2 loaves French Bread
Optional: An apple, a pear, boiled potatoes, or blanched broccoli, cut into cubes

Shred your cheese. I am pissed I didn't remember to get a photo of the unshredded block, since I got ACTUAL Gruyère, which is super spendy. I always used to make it with store brand Swiss when I was in grad school, so this was a momentous occasion. Oh well.  

Like half the ingredients. I don't know why I didn't take this picture with bread, etc... whatever.

Please ignore the red flecks in the cheese. I used my food processor to shred it, which is really easy, but which accidentally shredded the stamped rind. Um... yeah. Hey, it is not like it is poisonous. Just not so photogenic. Anyway. Sprinkle the flour onto the shredded cheese and give it kind of enough of a toss so that all of the cheese is slightly coated. The flour helps it to separate better when it hits the wine, and therefore makes it melt more uniformly and not all clumpy and weird.

Open your wine and pour a 2 cups plus one glass for yourself. Mmm.

Please use an acceptable Chardonnay. Something you would drink all by itself.

Cut your garlic clove in half and rub the cut sides on the bottom and sides of a medium-large saucepan and your fondue pot or crock pot. Yes, crock pot. My fondue pot was broken the last time we made it when one of my overexuberant (read: drunk) guests literally threw it into the sink and it shattered. Anyway, whatever you have. One or the other. Rub it all up with garlic. Rawr. Leave some garlic shreds strewn about the vessel because they are tasty. Then turn your crock pot/fondue pot to low and turn your burner on low. Measure out two cups of wine and throw it in the saucepan.

The beginning of the end

Realize you forgot to cube the bread. DAMMIT! Hurriedly cube it.

I didn't have time to take a picture of it cubed. Use your imagination.

When it starts to kind of form a bit of a bubbly froth on top, like it is aerating excessively but NOT boiling, add your tablespoon of lemon juice, give it a stir, then transfer to your fondue pot if you have one (or just leave it in the saucepan if you don't), and add a smallish handful of shredded cheese.

Do not add more than a little bit or you will be sorry.

You only add a little so you can incorporate it fully relatively quickly, and you have to stir it constantly so it doesn't burn or congeal. If you add too much, it becomes this blob of cheese in the midst of a bunch of liquor. So just be patient! Have a drink. Mmmm, wine. When the cheese is fully incorporated it will look kind of like this:

Unappetizing? GOD YOU ARE SO IMPATIENT.

Keep doing that. Make sure each handful melts really well, to the point that it's just kind of cheese crumbs in the liquor. After about four handfuls it will look more like this:

I look the same. Bitch is crazy.

You can see kind of the extent to which the cheese has melted on the spatula. When you've got it all stirred in, Add the KIRSCH! That is right, more liquor. Because that is how we roll. The Kirsch actually helps to achieve the super-smooth consistency you want in fondue.

Kirsch I bought last year when I last made fondue. Thank God liquor stays.

Sprinkle the nutmeg on top and stir it in. You can add some cracked pepper, and maybe a dash of salt, but I forgot. This is where I transferred mine to the preheated crock pot. Keep your fondue pot heated or your crock pot on low(ish) while you enjoy the fondue.

I didn't sprinkle the nutmeg very well, so it kind of clumped up before I stirred it in.

Serve with bread cubes and/or all the other shit I listed in the ingredients, plus MOAR WINE for drinking, because it is TRADITION, yo. We used La Crema for the fondue and Rombauer Chard to drink because it is the best and I already told you we were splurging with the fahnsay cheese, so why not the wine, too?

Picture Charlie took while I was getting everything set up outside

So there is a method for dipping. You stab the bread or whatever you're dipping pretty securely, then plunge it to the bottom of the pot and make a figure eight with it, then bring it out. The figure eight ensures that you are kind of stirring it up, because otherwise the liquor might separate out onto the top of the cheese (if it does, just give it a stir with a spatula) or it might burn on the bottom (stir with spatula and maybe turn it down a touch). If you lose your bread into the pot, you have to forfeit a kiss (or some other agreed-upon penalty). IT IS TRADITION.

OMG GET IN MAH MOUF

Also, if the cheese starts getting too thick and not liquidy enough for dipping, add a little bit of Kirsch at a time, stirring to incorporate, until it is the proper consistency again.

By the end of the night, you will all be drunk. If you are not drunk, you did not have enough fondue and/or did not properly enjoy the beverage service. Then you can post about it on your blog or do something you will possibly regret with one of your guests.

Serves 2-4

I Am Preserving This for Future Generations.

This is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me, short of my husband who has done more than anyone ever could. These friends have made me so happy, so proud, and so grateful.

I would post the videos here, but as I'm not in them, and to preserve privacy somewhat, I will post a link to the original depository of the Love Bomb.

BAM.

Today's Post is brought to you by Sarcasm, Narcissism, and the letter Y

Now gimme my award, dammit.

About My Blog

1. How did you find my blog and how long have you been reading it? What was the thing that first "captured" you? I found you blog through a link on the forum. I've been reading it since... I think September? Maybe August. The first thing that captured me was you personality on the forum. I would probably have read your blog if it was just pictures of telephone books. Or dictionaries.
2. Which one of my blog entries is your favorite? (You can list more than one.) I can't really point to specific ones, my memory sucks. But I like the Carolyn ones. Even though they are sad, they are beautiful. And some of the ones when you were figuring things out for yourself-- when you were here in the present, and learning things about your past through new experiences. Your way of explaining things and your memory for conversations are gifts.
3. What's your favorite thing about my blog overall? I guess now it is probably your humor.
4. In what way or ways is my blog totally better than yours? My blog has no real unifying principle, I don't take photos of birds, and your commenters are pretty dang awesome. Also, you are hilarious.
5. In what way or ways is my blog totally better than most other blogs, period? Most other blogs are uninteresting and the bloggers are not as... wide-eyed and new about things as you are. I mean that in a good way.
   
6. Have you signed up as a follower of my blog? A public follower? Fuck yes. Why would I follow it privately? I don't get that. Unless it is something that the blogger wants me to do to protect their privacy, I always follow publicly.
   
7. How many of your own blog followers are actually you using a fake username? (Oops, sorry, this question should've gone on the "Insecure Blogger's Survey Meme.") HAhahahaha. None. Good idea, though.
   
8. What's one of the funniest things I've said on my blog? ALL THE THINGS. There were a couple times I was almost crying with laughter. Like when you got your boots, or when you had to go get your hair done, or when you were getting the new couch and being flaunty. Or when you gave that bird egg the Royal Hat.
9. The most brilliant or original or insightful? This one. I bookmarked it on my computer when you wrote it, because it was so perfect. Partially because I relate to it, partially because it is such a beautiful picture of love.
   
10. Which of the pictures on my blog is your favorite? This one.
    
11. You have read my entire blog, right? Yes.
    
12. How often do you mention me or my blog on your blog? I've actually mentioned it a couple times. I linked it once. But don't worry, I have like three readers, and they were all yours first.
13. How many of your blog entries either were inspired by me or are examples of you shamelessly plagiarizing and/or outright copying my ideas? (Please provide links so I can get the credit I deserve.) BAM!
14. How often do you mention me or my blog in your offline life, say, at the dinner table or something? Hm. Not as much as I should, apparently.
    
15. When was the last time you made someone listen while you read something of mine to her or him out loud? HAhahahaha. I can't remember. I think I showed my husband your snowflake pictures.

About Me

1. How much do you love me and why? Please be specific. I love you as much as David Hasselhoff loves leather pants. Because you are strong and intelligent and witty and eloquent and hilarious.
2. Why else? Also because you are unabashedly egotistical.
3. Other than the reasons you love me, what's your favorite thing about me? Your ability to remember conversations word for word.
4. In what way or ways do you see me as better than you -- morally, intellectually, or otherwise? You are way better than me at Scrabble.
   
5. As superior to the average person in general? ALL THE WAYS.
6. In what way or ways do you wish you were more like me? I wish I was as confident as you. Oh, and that I had a startle reflex because I think it would be hilarious. I don't mind jokes at my own expense.
7. That everyone were more like me? That people were honest with themselves and others. All the time.
8. Which of my qualities do you envy the most? Your wordsmithery.
9. Which of my qualities do you admire the most and/or find the most inspiring? Your strength.
10. Do you envy any of my possessions? If so, which ones? YOUR COWBOY BOOTS. Also, your chicken beak.
11. What's the most complimentary thing you've said about me recently? See the above.
12. Did you write it on your blog? (If so, please provide a link.) Here you go.
13. What do you think is my most attractive physical feature? Your elf ears.
14. My second most attractive? Your Bambi eyes.
15. You can list additional ones here if you need to. You also have nice lips and you are skinny and now I am feeling weird telling you this stuff so I am done.
16. What would you say are my greatest strengths? Your emotional fortitude.
17. And finally, which of the following would you say is my one possible weakness? Definitely #4.
1. You're so intelligent sometimes you forget how hard it is for the rest of us to keep up with you.
2. You don't appreciate how attractive you really are.
3. You're too hard on yourself.
4. You're too modest.
5. Honestly, I can't think of any weaknesses

ETA: I AM SO HONORED!

FNH, I love you.

I visited Food Network Humor on a whim this morning, and let me tell you, nothing can turn my frown upside down like a dose of this:

If you have not been to that site, and you love to hate Food Network, please do yourself a favor. Even if you only love Food Network. Please. Otherwise you will miss things like this post, in which Jillian shows a picture of Giada "RAPTORFACE" DiLaurentiiiiiis with a slight pooch in her tummy, caused by BEING HUMAN, and then reports that Giada's twitter feed blew up with pregnancy rumors. Jillian: "Uh, obviously you’re not pregnant, Giada. What do you weigh, 72 pounds? If your stomach was any flatter, it would start inverting. And if you had any less flesh on your bones, you’d be the crypt keeper."

For real. I love them. LOVE.

Please visit them NAO and leave me all of the things that made you roll on the floor in laughter in the comment section.

ETA: OMG DYING

A Snapshot of My Photobucket, Part Two

Nostalgia, Tinged With Joy

I got the kid Robin Hood today.

Not the book, not the men in tights, not the Prince of Thieves. I got him Robin Hood. The original Disney movie, complete with baby Prince John and obsequious Sir Hiss and a minstrel narration. With Robin Hood, wily and sly. Maid Marian, beautiful and good. The Sheriff, a fat blister. The people of Nottingham, downtrodden but never hopeless. Friar Tuck! I should have known I'd end up Catholic, with him as the priest paragon.

That movie-- I mean, for real. That movie. It is beautiful. I love it in so many ways, and for so many reasons.

And although that is the perfect entreé to a post about it, I am so tired and mildly intoxicated it may have to wait 'til tomorrow.

Suffice it to say, redistribution of wealth has never been so attractive to this Libertarian.

Underpromise, overdeliver!

So, I promised a lot of things. EVEN ALOT OF THINGS. Yesterday. Such as a GREAT POST! And PICTURES! And some sort of pigeon pun what was that even....

Anyway. I am only here to tell you that the day is about to come to a close, and unless I can pull some sort of angora bunny out of my ass, there is not going to be even one of those things in this post. WAIT A SECOND...

PHOTOBUCKET BOMB!

Yeah, I test liquor.

RAWR

Our wine cellar, circa two days ago

What. The. Fuck. Claw Machine, you have got to be kidding me.

Yeah, we got that cow. AND ALL HER FRIENDS.

Best album since Relapse. And yes, we got that many. To give to friends.

Twinkies don't kill people. Twinkies with guns kill people.

OK. I hope this sates you all for a while. Or at least until tomorrow.

What She Said

"What She Said" by Billy Collins, from Horoscopes for the Dead. © Random House, 2011. (buy now) 
(via The Writer's Almanac)

When he told me he expected me to pay for dinner,
I was like give me a break.

I was not the exact equivalent of give me a break.
I was just similar to give me a break.

As I said, I was like give me a break.

I would love to tell you
how I was able to resemble give me a break
without actually being identical to give me a break,

but all I can say is that I sensed
a similarity between me and give me a break.

And that was close enough
at that point in the evening

even if it meant I would fall short
of standing up from the table and screaming
give me a break,

for God's sake will you please give me a break?!

No, for that moment
with the rain streaking the restaurant windows
and the waiter approaching,

I felt the most I could be was like

to a certain degree

give me a break.

Preface

Reader, beware
The cupboards are bare
The mind left to look for transcendence
And while it was gone
The pen wrote a song
Revealing for all the mind's absence.

Interview with JesusTChrist

Lifted wholesale from the place I posted it first, for which I am not giving you a link.
...

It's here. The moment you've all been waiting for.

JESUSTCHRIST, prepared to answer ALL OF THE questions. Please be kind.

Here he is, riding what he assured me was, indeed, a BRONTOSAURUS (suck on THAT, scientists):



And we're off!

What's your favorite joke?
Phil Collins' career.

What's your real first name (if you feel okay sharing)?
Jesus.

What's the story behind your username?
I picked "JesusTChrist" because people are always (wrongly) assuming that my middle name begins with an "H" for some unknown reason. It is Jesus THE Christ, people. Get it right.

Why did you choose your avatar?
My avatar is the same as the picture I submitted for the interview-- Dinosaurs are awesome, and I am the only living person who has held one. BAM.

When's your birthday? What astrological sign is that?
December 25. Capricorn.

Where are you from?
Bethlehem.

What's your living situation?
Currently living in a sweet pad in heaven, although technically I have full domain of the universe.

What's your class background? Race, heritage, or ethnicity? Religious orientation?
Well, I was born in a barn (haha, I know), and my adopted dad was a carpenter. My biological dad is God, though, which kind of trumps all that working-class stuff. I'm 100% Jew and also 100% God (don't ask me how the math works). I believe that I am God, so I think most people would classify my religion as New Age or something.

What's your relationship status? Sexual preference?
I'm not in a relationship with anyone, but I'm in a personal relationship with everyone. I prefer that everyone have sex in monogamous relationships.

Do you have pets? Siblings? Kids?
None, unless you count brothers like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful, I think.

Do you work or go to school? If the former, what's your job? If the latter, what's your area of study? If you've finished school, what was your area of study?
My job is Master of the Universe. He-Man ain't got nothin' on me.

Why are cats so much better than dogs?
Because I made them that way.

How long have you been a member of the forum?
Since the beginning.

Are you a member of any other forums? If so, which ones and what are they about?
No, all of the other forums suck.

Where do you like to spend time online?
I don't really get online much. Too much gossip. And porn.

Do you have a blog? If so, what's it about and can we have a link?
I don't have a blog, but I wrote a book that is online. You can read it here.

About how many hours a day do you spend on the computer?
Four

What's your favorite thing about yourself?
My eyes.

What's your most outstanding feature?
My ability to be self-sacrificing. I mean, I take it to a whole new level.

What's your most unique talent or skill?
Um, probably either my ability to walk on water or the way I can change water into wine. It makes me really popular at parties. Oh, and I rose from the dead. Beat that, bitches.

What's your strangest habit? Your most annoying one?
Strangest habit is probably my propensity to speak in parables. Some would argue that is also my most annoying habit.

Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
yes.

What's something about your upbringing that was unique, and how has this affected your view of the world?
Well, my Dad had me killed. That was pretty harsh. But we're cool now.

What's the most difficult thing you've had to deal with in your life?
See above. There was also the whole flooding of the earth episode. That sucked. Fuckin' Noah forgot the unicorns, and the dinosaurs were too big. I mean, they were eating all the people, so I guess it was Ok that they got weeded out, but still. Thank Dad we have them in heaven, or I would be pissed.

Do you have any ongoing health issues or medical conditions?
I have nail holes that don't heal. And a spear hole in my side. That's about it.

Do you have any interesting stories about scars? Surgeries? Hospitalizations? Gory infections? Teeth? Gory dental stories are good, too.
Well, I was crucified this one time. And I died. But then I rose again. No biggie.

Have you ever broken a bone?
Nope.

Ever had stitches?
Nope.

What's something most people have done or experienced that you haven't?
I am the 2,000 year old virgin. Also, I've never sinned.

Have you ever had a mystical, supernatural, or otherwise inexplicable experience? If so, what?
All of them. Try being alive and THEN being born. And being one with your Father and the Holy Spirit, but also being distinct. And eternal. My whole life is one big ball of inexplicable mysteries.

Do you have a lucky or favorite number?
Seven.

What's the nerdiest thing you've done lately?
I reformatted my harddrive and gave Steve Jobs a new idea for an overpriced gadget.

What's the biggest change you've made in your life recently? What's been good about this change? What's been difficult about it?
The biggest thing would probably be letting the weather go. I was really trying to micromanage it, but it was getting so stressful trying to prevent hurricanes and earthquakes and tsunamis and tornadoes and floods all the time. It was a full-time job, and everything else was kind of going to shit. So I am letting it kind of work itself out. Obviously, it was difficult to let go. And the weather is being a total bitch about it, killing all of my people. But I think in the long run it will be better for all of us.

In one sentence, what's your philosophy of life?
I AM THAT I AM.

If your life were a book, what would be the chapter headings?
1. The Beginning
2. The Old Testament Years
3. Christmas
4. Life
5. Death
6. Heaven Again
7. The Wallflower Years

What do you most enjoy having conversations about?
Probably animals. I am really proud of them.

What are three things about yourself you feel it's important for others to know?
1. I am not my Father, even though I am.
2. I know you better than you know yourself and I love you.
3. Sometimes you ask me for things I cannot give you right now, and I am sorry that I can't make everything perfect for you all the time.

What's the most exotic animal you've ever touched?
All of them.

What's the creepiest interaction you've ever had with an insect?
That one plague of locusts in Egypt? Yeah, I did that. It was effed up, yo.

What's the most morally complicated or confusing situation you've ever experienced or witnessed, and how did this affect your view of the world?
To me, things aren't morally complicated. It was confusing being a person, though, because your emotions get so tangled up in shit that you are not sure what is right, even when you know what is right. Like, I knew I had to die, and I told my mom that, but when she was crying I really wanted to get off that cross and just be all, "PUNK'D!" but I couldn't. It is hard to endure human suffering when you know you have the power to alleviate it but if you do, you will be fucking with everyone's autonomy.

Who is your favorite former member of the forum whose blog posts you stalk shamelessly?
Serious, of course.

Kick-Ass Sandbox? Check.

So we're constructing a sandbox out of stacked slabs of Idaho Quartzite.

Yeah, no furniture yet. We have to prioritize.

ETA: Picture proof!

 

 

Name That Tune #1

The Rise and Fall of the Major League Empire

I used to be absolutely absorbed with baseball. Most of my life. It was the one sport I played, the one I understood inside and out, the one that I loved. But over the years, it became more and more difficult to find anyone who could talk to me about it without passing out from boredom. 

I loved stats and commentators and listening to the games on the radio. I loved going to the games, and following the players, and really getting to know their styles. I loved the color, the history, the fields, the fans. The traditions. The all-time greats, and the Bill Buckners.

But everyone around me was playing fucking soccer.

When I was in college, I had one friend that was a die-hard Cubs fan. He and I would talk endlessly about our Cubbies' prospects. We shared a subscription to the MLB live online feed, and we would shamelessly watch the games on our computers during class. 

The year I graduated, the Cubs almost went all the way.

For the next couple of years, it was almost like a different team. They won. They made it to the wild card! They... started losing again. 

And then I moved to Texas, where the Cowboys are everything, and no one cares about the Rangers. Two of my neighbors played on the team, and I never even went to a game. Because it was all Cowboys, all the time. So I transitioned baseball to the number two spot in my heart, and let football, which was always a close second, take over the whole thing.

I can't say I regret it. I love baseball, but you can't capture that conviviality outside of the ballpark. I don't get the radio broadcasts here. There's no team for hundreds of miles. I can watch the games on TV, but there's not a soul that will watch with me.

I still follow the standings, the box scores, the general ebb and flow. And when I'm in a baseball town during the season, I am at the game, drinking beer, slathering on sunscreen, yelling my lungs out, getting to know my bleacher buddies. It might just be geography. Or the lack of that one other person who understands the need to know all of the things about the game in general and the team in particular. It might be the way things are, now. 

All I know is, thank God for football, or I'd have to learn to talk to people or something.