Tuesday, October 18, 2011

"I Hate to Tell You This, But..."

Don't you HATE when someone starts out with that phrase?

"I hate to say it, but..."

There are endless iterations of it, too. "I hate to be THAT GUY, but..." "I hate to point this out, but..." "I hate to rain on your parade, but..." "I hate to disagree, but..."

IF YOU HATE IT, THEN DON'T DO IT. THAT SIMPLE. Also, guess what? Everyone else hates it when you do that, too. Not just you! How about we make EVERYONE happy and you just keep that little comment to yourself?

It is NEVER "I hate to say it, but your hair looks absolutely gorgeous today!"
"I hate to be THAT GUY, but I really want to buy you a drink."

These kind of people should just say LOVE instead of hate, and it would all make more sense.

"I LOVE to disagree: YOU ARE WRONG."
I LOVE to rain on parades: YOU WILL FAIL."

It would all be more honest that way. And the patronizing condescension they manage to pack into that "but" makes me want to stab them.

I hate to tell you this, but you're not fooling anyone, BITCHES.

My whole point, though, was that I hate to tell you this, but my computer is still on the fritz. (TAKE A NOTE, THIS IS THE CORRECT USAGE OF "I HATE TO TELL YOU THIS." I actually DO hate saying this, because it is TRUE AND AWFUL.)

Not only that, but my phone is about to take its last dying gasp, too. Why are phones that cost $600 only good for an average of 1.5 years? JUST long enough to crap out before your contract is up? I think we all know the answer to that little rhetorical question. Anyway, so my phone sucks and freezes up a bajillionty times if I try to access the internet. It is a smart phone grown dumb. Maybe it has Alzheimer's, and is reckoning back to the Golden Age of the Telephone, when all it did was make calls.

Regardless. I thank you all for sticking with me through thick and thin over here. And, as always, I PROMISE I WILL MAKE IT UP TO YOU!!*

*probability of fulfillment: 1 in 10000000000000000


  1. I am not leaving my name because I am both a stalker and your mother.

    But actually I just wanted to add that a similar creature are the people who claim "no offense." Sometimes there is offense, or they wouldn't feel the need to add that. Additionally they might say "But I mean this in the best possible way." When would you mean it in the crappy way?

    Personally, I feel people should just say what they mean and stand behind it.

  2. What type of phone do you have? I might be able to help.

    The phone guru Teelums

    Also you might want to just pm me about this because I work ALL the hours and will likely not have time to come back here and look.

  3. I hate to be THAT GUY, but I really *do* want to buy you a drink.

  4. @fmcm, I almost had an actual heart attack when I read that first line. If my mother found this blog MY LIFE WOULD BE RUINED.

    @Teelums, I am getting a new phone soon because I do not want to deal with this one... any suggestions? Maybe I will PM you since that is what you asked me to do. This part of the comment was pointless... nice.

    @>*, <-- That looks like my cat was on the keyboard. But thanks for the drink.

  5. No heart attack, please. I am not your mother. Stalker? Wellll....

    But I mean that in the best possible way...


Comments are always welcome, unless you are going to be mean, in which case you can go straight to hell.

Please leave at least some form of name so I don't get all paranoid and think you are a stalker or my mother.