Shitshow Kitchen: This Bread is Bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

OK, folks. Please tell me I am not the only one whose bananas seem to turn brown before they are eaten, and then OH DARN, I have to make banana bread with them?

Nasty Banana Tower

I mean, it's possible that I push every other kind of fruit in the house like a dealer in order for the bananas to have time to darken into this mess. Just because I love banana bread THAT much. And when you add bourbon? And chocolate chips? Um... yes please. I will totally eat fruit that way.

Recipe via smittenkitchen

4 large ripe bananas
1/3 C melted butter
3/4 C brown sugar
1 beaten egg
1 t vanilla
1 T bourbon
1 T cinnamon, 1/2 t nutmeg, 1/4 t cloves, 1 t baking soda, pinch of salt
1 1/2 C flour
1 T milk
Optional: 1 C mini chocolate chips, 1 C pecans or walnuts

Turn the oven on to 350°. Grease and flour baking pans OR! use that Baker's Magic spray, which I think is one of the best inventions of the 20th century. Put your bananas in a plastic bag and moosh the shit out of them.

Once again, not really all that hard to do

Put the banana moosh, melted butter, brown sugar, egg, vanilla, and bourbon in a largeish bowl.

Dump and stir, ladies and gents. Dump and stir.

Stir it up with a wooden spoon. I mean, you could probably do this with a mixer on low, but stirring by hand takes about 30 seconds. I am all for shortcuts, but... this helps me to feel as though I could have survived in pioneer days. You'll still have some banana lumps. That is fine.

Mmm, banana soup.

I always just put all the spices, the baking soda, and the salt in a little cup and give them a little stir before I add them so they're uniform.

The secret ingredients!

If you're not HUGE on spices, you could just use the cinnamon, but the other ones really put this over the top. Just sprinkle the spice mix on top of the banana soup and stir 'em in.

It's like ART! Edible ART.

When you've gotten it pretty incorporated, add the vanilla and bourbon. I did not have bourbon, of course, because when have I ever been prepared for ANYTHING? So I used rum, which is a perfectly acceptable substitution. Vodka is not. Brandy? Maybe. After you stir that up, add the flour.

Almost done. Already. ALMOST!

When the flour is all mixed in, add the tablespoon of milk. When you've stirred that in, you can add anything else your little heart desires. I picked mini chocolate chips and walnuts. MMMM!

The best part. BEST!

Pour into your pans. I usually do mini loaves so I can give them away.

You are going to want to eat me soon. SOON!

Bake for 50 minutes to one hour for regular loves, about 30 minutes for small ones, or until a toothpick jabbed into the middle comes out with just some crumbs on it. They will look pretty brown on top, but not burnt. Basically, you want them set and stuff.

REFRAIN from eating it directly out of the oven. You will BURN yourself.

Cool in the pan on a rack for 15-20 minutes. If you try to take it out right away, you will be screwed ten ways from Sunday, because it will not come out in one piece and you will be left with Banana Mess. Tasty banana mess, but not really what you were planning. After about 20 minutes you can pop those babies out and enjoy.

I gave these away and everyone loves me now.

You can eat it plain or slathered in butter. I will leave that decision to you. If you're planning on gifting them, though, you better do it NOW, or you will slowly rationalize yourself into eating every single last crumb all by yourself. Which is fine... you can just make more.

Bow down before me. I am fruit, apotheosized.