Saturday, May 14, 2011

Unsolicited Advice

More often than not, I find the answers to the questions I have by a) asking someone I consider an expert on the subject, or b) googling it. Usually, the questions I find myself asking are things like "What was the name of that guy that used to work at the book store? You know, the one with the red beard and the improbably hot girlfriend? Daniel? David? I feel like it started with a D? He rode a bicycle and always carried a knapsack?" in which case I would ask a person, OR "Average MLB starter ERA," which is how I would phrase a question for Google, as it requires neither modifiers nor sense in its inquiries.

Point is, if I have a question, I know where to go for the answer. I was a fucking reference librarian, for fuck's sake. That is the whole point of the job. So chances are, all of my questions are always answered.

Why someone would assume that I have questions about the ways that I am doing things when I am obviously not asking them for their expert opinion baffles me. Also, annoys me. No-- PISSES ME OFF.

ESPECIALLY!! Because usually the people advising you are the LEAST qualified people for the job. They are NOT the people I would go to even in the unlikely event that I WERE in fits of despair over my inability to determine the proper course for my actions.


1. Woman who abused her children, did drugs in front of them, and had them taken away from her several times, regularly tells me the proper way to discipline, teach, and feed my child. Woman, you are the last person on earth I would ask for advice about child-rearing. If I had cocaine-related questions, though, I hope you know I will come to you.

2. Man who is unemployed and living on welfare after getting fired from his last entry-level job because he threatened to kill a co-worker gives me advice at least once a week on how to run my already successful business. Man, you do not get to tell me how to do this, because I am pretty sure I have a handle on it. If I need to know the pros and cons of working in the fast food industry, you will be the first person I ask.

To these doucheholes: We would all be better off if, when I am not requesting your opinion regarding my life or anything in it, you instead apply to your own life the advice you so dearly wish to dispense. If it works out for you, chances are I'll want to know your secret, and you can share then.

To you, reading this now: ARE YOU WITH ME ON THIS? Or is this one of those things that only annoys me because I am an intolerant bitch?


  1. Hey. I was told this was your happy place.

    But more seriously, Lac, I think it's just human to want to try to offer some perspective or help when someone is upset or irritated about something or complains about something. Ask yourself the next time this happens: was I complaining when the person offered advice? That could be one trigger!

    I'm totally kidding, I read the post and the first thing I thought was I should leave a comment offering "annoying advice" to you, on this problem.

    He he.

  2. Ask yourself the next time this happens: was I complaining when the person offered advice? That could be one trigger! --Dogimo

    Ha. Ha. Ha.

    (That was a mirthless laugh.)


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