Monday, May 2, 2011

Open Letter #1

Dear Kitty,

I see you.

I know you think that creeping onto my lap in slow motion, low to the ground, one slight paw movement at a time, makes you invisible. I know this, because you freeze and look up at me if I "notice" you, and don't move again until I look away.

Guess what.

I can still feel your paws sinking all fifteen pounds of you into my gut as you slink onto me. Also, my eyes are like one foot from you. You are rather large, even if you are moving in a ninja-like fashion.

I will let you think you have won this time. But I am getting up when I goshdarn want to get up, regardless of whether or not you're all settled in and looking innocent. And if you start licking yourself, it is over, because your breath smells like ass.


P.S. For real, do something about your breath.
P.P.S. Dammit, I want to get up.
P.P.P.S. Are you snoring?
P.P.P.P.S. I wanted to sit here forever, anyway.

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