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Silver-footed Thetis heard her son's cries and appeared before him, gleaming, sea water streaming from her hair. "What is it!? Are you OK? IS IT YOUR HEEL???"
Achilles sighed, his brawny shoulders drooping. "No, mom, it is not my heel."
"Are you wearing your heel guard?" She grabbed his waist and twisted the huge man around. "YOU AREN'T WEARING IT?? YOU ARE NEVER TO TAKE THAT OFF, YOUNG MAN. NEVER."
"MOM!" Achilles yelled. "Stop it! I am twenty-eight years old! I think I can make my own decisions! On my own!"
"Then I guess you don't need my help," Thetis snipped.
Achilles ground his teeth together, and spoke through them, "OK FINE. I will put it on as soon as I get back to the tent. I just needed you to talk to Zeus for me."
Thetis opened her small palm to reveal Achilles' heel cover. "I took the liberty of grabbing it on my way."
With a silent curse, Achilles grabbed the leather thongs from her hand and strapped the gleaming silver patch to his heel. If anything, it drew attention to his only weak spot-- he was pretty sure Vulcan had done that on purpose. That gimp would love for him to be all wounded and limpy.
"Better?" he asked. His mother nodded and he continued. "I want you to tell Jove to help the Trojans. Agamemnon is being a total dick. He needs to be taken down a peg or ten."
"They're all off at some party in Ethiopia, but when they get back I'll see what I can do," she said. "I saw that Briseis, she wasn't any good for you anyway."
Achilles' brow darkened, his eyes narrowing. "I don't think I asked your opinion. She's gone, anyway." He trailed off into a mumble, "Fucking Agamemenon."
"WHAT did you just say?" Thetis said, whipping her head back around to face him, her feet already wading into the sea.
"Clean up your tent, too. That place is a pig sty."
With that, she dove beneath the frothing waves and was gone.
"FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" Achilles yelled, tearing off the heel strap and heading back to his tent.