So, I am not sure if any of you have ever dealt with... well, I will call it "self-help shit" for lack of a better term. You know what I'm talking about-- dealing with demons, facing fears, cleaning closets. That kind of shit.
But if you have.
MOTHERFUCKING WHAT. I mean, how do you deal with it? It is exhausting and draining and... well, more than anything for me, apparently, it is enraging. I mean, I'm doing the baby stepping. I'm not a slacker!
But to me, all of this sifting through feelings and emotions and wading through personal history and... shit... is shit. I get so effing ANGRY every time I try to step forward. Even though I know that what is best for me is dealing with this shit so I don't have to feel broken and fucked up and shitty (I know, I know, I'm not, but that is how I feel, regardless, and anything you say is not going to change that, only going through this process will, and LOOK HOW GOOD my brain knows these things, WHY can my... rest of me... not catch up!!).
Anyway. That is why I have not been around as much. Because I am trying to deal, and I'm not talking about cards. I'm trying to chill, and I'm not talking about A/C. I'm trying to be a rock, and I'm not talking about AC/DC. HAHAHAHA see what I did there?
OK. So I'm still me. But... yeah. It is not the most fun I've ever had in my life.
1. What About Bob is one of my all-time favorite movies.
ReplyDelete2. I'm sorry things are tough right now. Shitty personal history shit sucks.
3. I want a third thing but my brain just flatlined.
1. What About Bob is one of the best movies, ever. It is a litmus test for good humor.
ReplyDelete2. It is horrible and wonderful to have someone who understands that dredging through the past and putting together pieces is not fun.
3. You should get that checked out.
1. I am in full agreement regarding What About Bob. I'M SAILING!
ReplyDelete2. I have been reading your posts regularly, but not able to comment because the browser would crash, hence my late arrival here.
3. I am typing this from my new chaise-couch, which I am probably bother by talking about much so.