Tuesday, June 7, 2011

How to Write a Blog Post

1. Post a teaser
This is important, as it will spur you on to write later out of fear that you will let everyone down. Fear and guilt are the biggest motivators in posting. Well, that and having a really shitty day. Maybe put a photo in your teaser. Or a drawing.

2. Think of a topic
This is one of the hardest parts of writing your blog post. There are so many millions of things you can write about! Your cat! Your breakfast! The way the light looks outside your window! Your shitty ass car! Politics! Religion! Wait-- those last two are a terrible idea. Point is, there are alot of things you CAN write about. You should find something to write about that is entertaining. Something that will feed your creative fire. Usually, this involves something you hate or something you love. For most people, dogs or cats are the topic of choice, depending on what kind of person you are.

3. Figure out what you want to say
You have a topic! Now you need to say something about it. Preferably something entertaining, funny, educational, and/or well-written. If you can't think of anything that fits these descriptors, you are some sort of mutant borg because everyone can find something to say about things they love/hate. Maybe you are a lizard person. Switch your topic to snakes. Better?

4. Write!
This is the part where you try not to get distracted by webcomics, forwarded emails, forums, and facebook. This is THE HARDEST PART. If you make it through the writing part, you probably deserve a beer and a pizza. BUT NOT UNTIL YOU DO STEP #5. THIS IS CRITICAL. Also, if you can only write a little bit, or are maybe thinking this is not the best writing you've ever done, pad that post with a picture, song, or a graph. Everyone loves graphs. If you have to add more than one of these elements, you have probably failed and should go back to point #2 again.

5. Post
If you forget to do this before your beer and pizza, you are fucked.

6. Wait for people to comment
This takes forever, wears out your F5 key, and makes you feel completely unloved. It is best if you just do this while eating the pizza and drinking the beer and going back to those sites I told you not to visit when you were supposed to be writing.




  1. 4 and 6 are bitches.
    You are not unloved, I LOVE YOU, I COMMENTED!!!
    I'm cracking myself up because I very rarely comment on people's blogs because I feel like I have nothing worthy or epic to say, no matter how great the post, yet I am all, "WHY DOES NO ONE COMMENT ON MY BLOG, THEY HATE ME, I WRITE STUPID THINGS!!!!"

  2. Hahahaa...I always feel like I comment too often/too much on other people's blogs, but on my own, someone could comment "I totally read this" and I would feel like I won all the things.

  3. I totally read ALL THE THINGS, so...you win ALL the all the things.

    This comment scores a 10 for logistical, if not grammatical, correctness.


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