Shitshow Kitchen: German Chocolate Cake Extras

OK. You should already have finished a cake of some sort, unless you are a straight-up hedonist just eating the filling and frosting by themselves or mixed into ice cream which, I am not going to lie to you, would be amazing.

Here's how you make the filling and frosting for my version of German Chocolate Cake.

Coconut Caramel Pecan filling
4 large egg yolks
One 12-ounce can evaporated milk
1 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup packed light brown sugar
6 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into 6 pieces
1/8 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 1/3 cups sweetened shredded coconut
1 1/2 cups finely chopped pecans, toasted
1 shot rum

Put the pecans on a cookie sheet and toast them in a 350 degree oven for about seven minutes. SET A TIMER THEY WILL BURN and pecans are expensive, yo. I usually start this while the oven is heating for the cake. For real, no more than seven minutes. MANY a time have I had to throw out a blackened mess of them and light candles to hide the smell.

We are nuts. Teehee.

While you're waiting for the pecans, get out the pan for the filling. I searched for mine for like ten minutes, then found it in the fridge full of rice from the other night. DAMMIT. Wash it, put it on the stove. Measure out your sugars and butter.

These are like magic beans... sugar and butter make anything spectacular.

Put the coconut in a kind of largish/medium bowl.

It's like angel pubes

Separate your eggs (I do it in my hand) and put the yolks in a saucepan.

Hands are the best egg-strainers ever

 Whisk them up and add the evaporated milk, whisking it all together.

That's right, I use NAME BRAND evaporated milk, bitches

Then throw the sugars, salt, and butter in and turn the heat on to medium.

Pre-whisk action

Whisk it up. Once the butter is getting melty, start whisking until it boils. You can kind of casually do this, like I got my dishes washed while I was doing it without burning it. But... beware. It can burn to the bottom of the pan and then you are fucked.

C'est parfait

OK. When it starts to boil, turn off the heat, and throw in the vanilla and rum. If you're taking it to an AA meeting or something, you can skip the rum. It will bubble up ALOT, it's ok. Then pour it into a bowl with the coconut and set it aside to cool.

Resist eating it all right now. RESIST!!

Stir the pecans into the coconut stuff right before you fill the cakes.

Chocolate Ganache Frosting
12 ounces bittersweet or semisweet chocolate, chopped
2 ½ tablespoons light corn syrup
2 ounces unsalted butter
1 ½ cups heavy cream

I use Gihrardelli 60% cacao chips and a little unsweetened chocolate.

Use quality chocolate or you will be sorry.

Throw the cream and butter into a pan, and heat it until it starts to boil.

Fat and more fat

Once it's boiling, throw it into a bowl with the chocolate and corn syrup.

This is where the magic happens.

Immediately stir it until it's all smooth and looks something like this.

Heaven in a bowl

Let the coconut-pecan filling cool at least two hours (or until room temperature). Leave the chocolate ganache out until you frost the cake (put plastic wrap on it if it will be overnight).