Sunday, June 26, 2011

Shitshow Kitchen: Buttermilk Chocolate Cake

So I realize I didn't include a recipe for my lasagna last time. I am going to edit it in. In the meantime, here's the cake I made yesterday. OMNOMNOM. It is kind of my signature cake, in that once someone tastes it, they ask for it for any/all holidays.

OK! Here is the recipe:

Chocolate Buttermilk Cake

3 C flour
2 1/2 C sugar
1 1/2 T baking soda
1/2 t salt
1 C unsweetened cocoa powder
1 1/3 C vegetable oil
1 1/2 C buttermilk
3 eggs
1 1/2 C hot coffee
1 T vanilla extract

Grease two 9" cake pans, line them with wax paper, grease again, then dust with cocoa powder (flour will show up on your cake). Get cocoa powder everywhere. Swear. Turn oven to 350.
The pans are not dirty, they are READY.

Put the dry stuff together and mix it up a little.
Dry stuff
Realize you have no coffee brewed. Brew coffee. Putz around while coffee brews.

Brief interlude

OK, the coffee should be done. Moving on. Add the buttermilk and oil, then mixalot.
Baby got back
Add the eggs one at a time, beating just enough to incorporate them and scraping down the bowl between.
Eggs are photogenic

Then add the coffee and vanilla. It will be super runny and sloppy, so turn your mixer on REALLY LOW at first, or you will regret it during cleanup. Actually, just mix it in on low.
Slow looks fast on film! MAGIC!

Pour into your pans, pop into the oven, set the timer for like 28 minutes (it should take 30-35).

Slightly fucked-up looking DELICIOUS cake
My cake looks a little fucked up because of the buttermilk powder I used in place of real buttermilk, which kind of did not dissolve properly. I think it may have been not necessarily "in date" still. Um, don't tell anyone.

Let the cakes cool about ten minutes in the pan, then invert them onto wire racks. There is an easy trick for doing this but this post is already a mile long, so if anyone wants it, ask in the comments and I will oblige.

Fuck yes.
Congratulations, Cake Champion Achievement unlocked.

I will post the filling/frosting part later...Mmmm, German Chocolate Cake.


  1. So. I don't cook and here is why: I am a super rigid rule follower when it comes to things I don't understand like cooking magic.

    This means I have zero improve ability. Like your buttermilk situation? Would have ENDED me.

    Or, like the pecans. I don't know the proper quantity of pecans or when to mix them in, or even if I should mix them in. ALL I KNOW ABOUT THE PECANS IS TO NOT BURN THEM! This is enough to send me to hide, fetal, in the clothes dryer.

    I'm so not criticizing your directions, I am sure EVERY OTHER HUMAN in the WORLD would know what to do about the pecans without having massive anxiety.

    Also, I'm confused about if this cake is to grow up to be German Chocolate Cake, or if they are totally different entities. COOKING IS LIKE MATH AND SCIENCE AND MAGIC, it is beyond me.

    I once made garlic toast that almost made GF fall out of love with me.

    But I love your Shitshow Kitchen Posts, it's like My Drunk Kitchen minus the video.

    Also, PLEASE tell me the easy way to get the cake to the wire rack. MOAR MAGIC!!

  2. Hahahahaa....this is part 1. The pecans are for the filling. I was going to take them out of this post and put them in the next one, but I am lazy and did not. I probably should. I realized it was like this totally random step with no conclusion. Maybe I'll take it out and put it in the next part.

    To get the cakes out, run a knife around the edge od the pan, then put a rack on top of the pan. Flip the pan and rack upside down, and take off the pan and wax paper. Then put another rack on the bottom of the cake, where the pan was, and flip again. Ta-da!

  3. I'm totally going to make someone who loves me make this cake for me.

  4. Guin, I can't cook either. My mom tries to give me recipes and she's like "oh, just a little bit of this, maybe put the oven on 350 or 400, maybe 425" - needless to say, things do not turn out well.

    Lac, I love the interludes and picture captions. You crack me up.

  5. I have now read ALL THE GERMAN CAKE POSTS, and this is so what I'm making for my dad's birthday. It's his favorite kind of cake. And I don't even like coconut all that much (like, at all), but damn if that cake doesn't look scrumdiddlyumptious.


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