I HAVE FAILED YOU. But look, people of the future, my fans who are not yet born, to you, I am just coming along a few posts later. Not WEEKS later. A mere blip on the internet in between the cake and the other stuff and the end. It is to you, the ones I have not let down already, that I dedicate the final installment of this fucking beast of a post.
OK! I am going to run through this like a marathon. HERE WE GO!
FIRST! take a cardboard box, cut out a square or circle or whatever that is a couple inches bigger than your cake, and cover it in aluminum foil. Then take a few strips of wax paper and lay them along the outermost couple inches of the makeshift cakeboard.
|I look homemade.|
|REFRAIN FROM EATING ME|
|Halve the cake like THIS.|
|OMGOMGOMG DO NOT EAT IT YET|
|I AM LEEEEGIOOOOON|
|I look worse, don't I. DON'T LIE TO ME.|
Now you take a bare minimum of the ganache and "seal the crumb"-- a very thin layer across the whole cake that is there for pragmatic effect only. It is not supposed to look good. It should look super shitty, but the point is that it seals the crumbs into the icing so they don't float about freely when you put the final coat on.
|WHERE IS MY MAKEUP|
|Look how clean it is!!|
|Congratulations, Faux Martha Stewart!!|
|The Best Kind of Leftovers|